The Bloody Eye Socket Virus Strikes Again

Swine Flu is a terrible name for a virus. And not because it contains the word "swine" and makes me think of greasy animals rolling in their own filth. It's a terrible name because it's unoriginal. How are people supposed to be afraid of a virus with such a mundane title?

My suggestion would be something that would rival the "Black Death" of the Renaissance. How about "The Bloody Eye Socket Full of Unidentified Larvae Virus" or "The F*** You Up Until You Die A Miserable Lonely Death Virus"? We have a beautiful language full of amazing adjectives.

One country is slaughtering all of its pigs just to be on the safe side. I think that's a great idea. We should also slaughter all people in a one hundred mile radius of any suspected human case and burn down their houses and fields. Eventually twelve of us will be left to live as nuclear mutants in a barren wasteland. Problem solved.