Life: Best if Used Before Printed Date

Everyone is talking about healthcare reform. So much, in fact, that I've decided to name my first child Healthcare Reform Jones.

You have people who are freaking out about the possibility of socialized healthcare (despite the fact that the socialized police department, fire department, library, and school all work just fine), and so we have these two options we've been hearing a lot about including a government option and a cooperative option.

However, the one most obvious problem that I don't hear anyone addressing is the problem with overpriced pharmaceuticals that people who don't have insurance can't afford. Those of us that do have insurance have it only so we can afford things like once-a-day Valtrex so that we can do things like practice yoga on the beach and grow sunflowews in our backyards in slow motion like the commercials say we can once our quality of life had improved.

Does anyone see who the real villains are here? Insurance companies enable pharmaceutical companies, and pharmaceutical companies prey on our insecurities and imperfections. But who preys on pharmaceutical companies? Who really wants us to live "happier lives"? Who's really advertising to us on these commemrcials?

That's right.

Yoga instructors and sunflower sales people.

Death: Happily Ever After

I did something the other day that I rarely do.

I watched live television.

It was the first time in months that I wasn't able to skip through the commercials on my DVR. While enduring the various advertisements, I couldn't help but notice the absurd amount of commercials for pharmaceuticals. Over two commercial breaks I saw advertised medication for six different conditions including depression, allergies, high blood pressure, and hair loss. I thought to myself, "The money that pharmaceutical companies are making must be astronomical... but they could be even more astronomical if they advertised medication to prevent death."

It's not that the medication would really even have to do its job. Most medication is a trade-off anyways. You get medication for erectile dysfunction, but now you have high blood pressure, diabetes, and your eyes and your testicles have switched places. It's all a matter of priorities I suppose.

The advertising would be simple. The commercial shows extremely old people doing things they shouldn't be, like contact sports or making love on a beach. Then the smokey-voiced announcer just mentions one of the side effects may include death. People will think to themselves, "I'd say that's a reasonable risk," once they see how much fun people are having in potential immortality.

I should also mention that I've just had the name "Immortalis" copyrighted.