Kurt Cobain: Still Dead

It was hard to not like Nirvana in the nineties.

They wore torn clothing, yelled, destroyed their instruments, and did everything that hair rock didn't.

Oh wait, that was EVERY NEW WAVE BAND THAT CAME OUT IN THE LATE EIGHTIES.

Don't get me wrong, I really used to like Nirvana. But it's hard to continue to like Nirvana when every music magazine and every rock countdown special puts them on a pedestal like they cured cancer.

"They did, Phil. They cured the cancer... that was pop music."

No they didn't! They just made a pre-existing genre of music more accessible.

"That may be. But by popularizing that sound, they inspired other bands to do the same!"

Like which bands? The Spin Doctors? Third Eye Blind? Yeah, that's a regular revolution. My God! What would we do without such musical geniuses as Third Eye Blind?!

Here's the problem. 'Nevermind' came out in 1991. Before 1991, hair rock and pop music dominated the music market. After 1991, it was alternative rock. Therefore, Nirvana must have singlehandedly changed the face of rock music for the entire decade. Someone must have come from the future in a phone booth to help them save the world.

So what about those albums that Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Primus, Temple of the Dog, and Red Hot Chili Peppers released that same year? Or the Fugazi album the year before that? Don't think about them. I'm sure they had nothing to do with shaping 90's rock. Shh. Ssssshhhhhhhhhh. Those bands can't hurt you. Nirvana's here to protect you.

Social Retards

How do we pinpoint what's wrong with our society? Lately, hoodies seem to be taking most of the blame. Next week it will be toothpaste.

I think it can be boiled down to one thing: Miseducation (not to be confused with Miss Education. Although Miss Education blew her acceptance speech and didn't do so well in the bathing suit competition, I think we can all agree that Miss Education is doing her best with what she has - a big ass and a big heart.)

I think that in our country it's easier to blame anything other than our own ignorance, which is probably why the US has the largest population of lawyers in the world.

Even now, I caught myself going into a two paragraph tirade about hippies before I deleted it. I'll admit, blaming is a little fun; especially when it's the hippies. Or the Jews. But I digress.

I really don't think Americans are going to start educating themselves anytime soon, so I've come up with another solution. Rather than continue to blame our problems on everyone else, I'm erecting a statue in every town square across the country of a man named "Blame McBlamington". This way, everytime someone wants to blame someone for their failing business, broken condom, or obesity, they can blame Blame McBlamington.

Defenseless black hoodies will rejoice and dance in circles with their hands joined. Peace will break out in every country for approximately 41 years... until we start blaming the Jews for the great statue uprising.