Halloween is fast approaching, which means so are the myriad slutty costumes.
So far I've seen costumes for Slutty Alices in Wonderland, Slutty Bumblebees, Slutty Stockbrokers, and Slutty Sluts.
I guess you could say that I'm a grassroots Halloween activist. I like costumes that scare people. Some of you think I host these zombie walks every year because I think they're fun, but you're as mistaken as talent at an Adam Lambert concert. My zombie walks are a consistent disappointment every single year because real zombies never show up!
Slutty Butterflies and Slutty Mail Carriers have "slutty zombie victim" written all over their bodies.
And I have "please don't eat me I'm the one who sent you the invitation" written all over mine.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Things I Wish I Had Said, Part One
As I sat enjoying my lunch with my bitter coworkers, a complaint came up.
“Why are the students required to watch Obama’s address on television? That’s so stupid. You know that if this was a Republican president the kids wouldn’t be required to watch this address.” This comment was followed by chuckling, the adjustment of monocles, a few online trades of oil company stock, and the extinction of several endangered species.
In retrospect, I should have told them the truth. They were right. If our president was Republican, the children wouldn’t have to watch his address. This is because children are afraid of Republicans, and we try to foster a safe environment in the schools. The only Republican I can think of that children don’t fear is Count Chocula, and he only makes an appearance around Halloween.
I understand these are trying times. I understand that we are a nation divided. But one of these days, I’m confident that children and adults alike, Democrat or Republican, Christian or Muslim, Mexican or American, will be able to enjoy Count Chocula together in harmony.
“Why are the students required to watch Obama’s address on television? That’s so stupid. You know that if this was a Republican president the kids wouldn’t be required to watch this address.” This comment was followed by chuckling, the adjustment of monocles, a few online trades of oil company stock, and the extinction of several endangered species.
In retrospect, I should have told them the truth. They were right. If our president was Republican, the children wouldn’t have to watch his address. This is because children are afraid of Republicans, and we try to foster a safe environment in the schools. The only Republican I can think of that children don’t fear is Count Chocula, and he only makes an appearance around Halloween.
I understand these are trying times. I understand that we are a nation divided. But one of these days, I’m confident that children and adults alike, Democrat or Republican, Christian or Muslim, Mexican or American, will be able to enjoy Count Chocula together in harmony.
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