At this point in time, I don't know if I really need to throw my two cents in about the gay marriage issue.
Those of you that know me well (or read my blogs - in which case you know me well) already know how I feel about gay marriage, and I'm glad that in the year 2012 we have a president who isn't afraid to stand up for equal rights.
But I'm also not going to get on the hate wagon. In the end, that's what this all comes down to - people hating people.
And if there's one thing that upsets me, it's when loud, ignorant, hate-filled people have a chance to be educated but are met with other loud, ignorant, hate-filled people delivering hatred right back. People aren't going to listen to common sense and understanding if it's being screamed in their faces.
I'm not a religious man by any means, but if gay rights is going to come down to what the Bible tells us to do then let's do what the Bible tells us to do. Proverbs 10:12 may be a good place to start. "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all sins."
If you ask me, it's much easier to love other people than to go around hating anyone who doesn't share the same beliefs as you. And that's why I'm pushing the U.S. government to remove fluoride from our water supply immediately and replace it with Ecstacy and gummy bears.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Life in the Carpool Lane
Yesterday, I watched a girl tear into a handicapped spot right in front of the building I was standing in front of. At first I was angry that she didn't cripple me in the process, thereby missing my opportunity at the American Dream of suing someone and never having to work another day in my life. Then I felt sorry for her, because clearly was handicapped. She probably had some kind of neurological impairment that made her drive like an asshole. Why else would she be in a handicapped spot? Any moment, I thought, she's going to place her handicapped tag up on her rear view mirror, lower her wheelchair out of her car by crane, and roll herself into the building.
With her engine still running, she tried to make several phone calls. I thought to myself, "Okay. Maybe her wheelchair crane is broken. She must be calling for someone to give her a piggyback ride inside. Clearly she drives like a retard and she can't figure out how to use a phone because she hasn't spoken into it yet. She's obviously handicapped. Otherwise, she would have parked in one of the many other parking spots around her that didn't have a giant blue stick-figure in a wheel chair spray painted on the ground."
Ten minutes pass, and finally another girl comes out of the building, gets in the car, and then they drive off together. At that moment I realized that while the girl driving the car will most likely develop a weight problem from being so lazy that she can't even park in a non-handicapped spot two places away and have to get herself a motorized scooter just to take her fat ass to the bathroom and eventually have to start parking in a handicapped spot someday, she was not at that moment handicapped yet.
I then thought about what a nice change it is to see people proactively preparing for their miserable futures.
With her engine still running, she tried to make several phone calls. I thought to myself, "Okay. Maybe her wheelchair crane is broken. She must be calling for someone to give her a piggyback ride inside. Clearly she drives like a retard and she can't figure out how to use a phone because she hasn't spoken into it yet. She's obviously handicapped. Otherwise, she would have parked in one of the many other parking spots around her that didn't have a giant blue stick-figure in a wheel chair spray painted on the ground."
Ten minutes pass, and finally another girl comes out of the building, gets in the car, and then they drive off together. At that moment I realized that while the girl driving the car will most likely develop a weight problem from being so lazy that she can't even park in a non-handicapped spot two places away and have to get herself a motorized scooter just to take her fat ass to the bathroom and eventually have to start parking in a handicapped spot someday, she was not at that moment handicapped yet.
I then thought about what a nice change it is to see people proactively preparing for their miserable futures.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Soccer: Happily Ever After
I was watching a soccer match today thinking about what a great sport it is. The entire world participates, and I think I know why everyone in the world loves it so much.
It's an athletic metaphor for war. For the World Cup winner, it's world domination.
So why isn't it as popular in the U.S. as it is in the rest of the world? Because we have all the bombs. We don't feel like we need to get behind soccer because we never got into the metaphor. We don't need to pretend to rule the rest of the world because we have the capability to blow it up. Who needs a world champion soccer team when you can create a nuclear winter at any given moment?
Maybe a soccer game is the way we should be solving all of our problems.
U.S.: "Alright. If you win, you can charge us $400 for a barrel for oil. If we win, we get it for $50."
Iraq: "I don't know, $50 is a little cheap."
U.S.: "Okay fine. $50 dollars for a barrel and we'll throw in a free VHS copy of 'Avatar' for everyone in your country."
Iraq: "Deal."
U.S: "Wow, this is so much cheaper and easier than killing thousands of people and telling everyone in our country we're doing this for their freedom! High five, Iraq."
Iraq: "Does this mean you're going to tell everyone about the chem trails?"
U.S.: "We're taking baby steps, Iraq. We're still trying to figure out how we're going to tell them about the interdimensional reptilian beings that suggested putting fluoride in the drinking water."
I think pumping athletes full of steroids and replacing their bones with adamantium to get a win is much more moral than destroying cities, stealing their resources, and occupying foreign countries for generations.
It's an athletic metaphor for war. For the World Cup winner, it's world domination.
So why isn't it as popular in the U.S. as it is in the rest of the world? Because we have all the bombs. We don't feel like we need to get behind soccer because we never got into the metaphor. We don't need to pretend to rule the rest of the world because we have the capability to blow it up. Who needs a world champion soccer team when you can create a nuclear winter at any given moment?
Maybe a soccer game is the way we should be solving all of our problems.
U.S.: "Alright. If you win, you can charge us $400 for a barrel for oil. If we win, we get it for $50."
Iraq: "I don't know, $50 is a little cheap."
U.S.: "Okay fine. $50 dollars for a barrel and we'll throw in a free VHS copy of 'Avatar' for everyone in your country."
Iraq: "Deal."
U.S: "Wow, this is so much cheaper and easier than killing thousands of people and telling everyone in our country we're doing this for their freedom! High five, Iraq."
Iraq: "Does this mean you're going to tell everyone about the chem trails?"
U.S.: "We're taking baby steps, Iraq. We're still trying to figure out how we're going to tell them about the interdimensional reptilian beings that suggested putting fluoride in the drinking water."
I think pumping athletes full of steroids and replacing their bones with adamantium to get a win is much more moral than destroying cities, stealing their resources, and occupying foreign countries for generations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)