Things I Wish I Had Said, Part One

As I sat enjoying my lunch with my bitter coworkers, a complaint came up.

“Why are the students required to watch Obama’s address on television? That’s so stupid. You know that if this was a Republican president the kids wouldn’t be required to watch this address.” This comment was followed by chuckling, the adjustment of monocles, a few online trades of oil company stock, and the extinction of several endangered species.

In retrospect, I should have told them the truth. They were right. If our president was Republican, the children wouldn’t have to watch his address. This is because children are afraid of Republicans, and we try to foster a safe environment in the schools. The only Republican I can think of that children don’t fear is Count Chocula, and he only makes an appearance around Halloween.

I understand these are trying times. I understand that we are a nation divided. But one of these days, I’m confident that children and adults alike, Democrat or Republican, Christian or Muslim, Mexican or American, will be able to enjoy Count Chocula together in harmony.