Monday, November 8, 2010

Redneck Patriots and Homosexual Republicans: Two Oxymorons

Our story takes place on my way home from work when I'm already sick of humanity.

I see an SUV ahead of me with a picture across the back accompanied by the only words I can read: "Everything" and "Islam". I think to myself, "Sweet! I'm short on my Islam supplies... I'd like to see this "Everything Islam" ad a little closer".

I speed up to see a giant picture of the twin towers blowing up with the now clear words, "Everything I wanted to know about Islam I learned on 9/11".

Before I looked through the driver side window I already knew what I was going to see. I was going to see a guy in his 40's with sunglasses that went across his entire face wearing a John Deere cap listening to Alan Jackson.

Behold, my prophecy came true.

I was tempted to roll down my window to say, "Everything I wanted to know about Christianity I learned at the Salem Witch Trials," but I was afraid that might make him angry enough to go home and beat his wife and kids a little extra hard tonight.

I was also afraid my joke would be lost as he would have to consult an encyclopedia, a dictionary, and an atlas.

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