A UFO lands on the White House lawn. An alien steps out and takes a long, deep breath. He clears his throat and is about to blow the minds of every physicist in the world when a shushing finger is held up. "Excuse us just a moment," the House majority leader says. "We need to discuss our stance on your presence before you begin. If Americans want you in prison work camps, they need to know which party to vote for this November."
I left my first political party the moment I noticed the similarities to children choosing team mates on a football field. "Um, yeah... I'll take abortion. You get gay rights."
"Why do you get abortion? Everyone knows abortion is as good as two gay rights!"
"Fine. You get stem cell research."
"Stem cell research cheats! We don't want him on our team!"
"Look, stem cell research plays a pretty good d. Are we playing ball or not?"
Then there's the other problem. This morning I left yet another political party. This time I left because it was tainted by the Tea Party. Like everything else in my life, whenever I get into something it becomes overrun with idiots who have no idea what they're talking about.
White trash took skulls away from me.
Hollywood took Transformers away from me.
Christians took God away from me.
And now the Tea Party has taken Libertarianism away from me.
I guess the real problem is that we all feel like we need to belong to a group, but we'll never really fit in. We'll say we're vegetarians, but we'll occasionally eat a piece of bacon.
In the words of LaBron James: What should I do?
I'm going to fucking blog.
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