Fantasy Football

I tried fantasy football once.

It didn't work out very well for me.

The other guys in my league might argue that I didn't commit enough time to setting up my team every week. Sheepishly, I told them that I just didn't have the time.

And that was a bold-faced lie.

The truth is that I was led to believe I was playing fantasy football! Are you confused? Yeah, so was I.

I'm sorry, but when I think of "fantasy sports" I don't think of all my favorite football players on one team together playing sports in harmony. That's stupid. They would last ten minutes before their egos destroyed the whole team. It was an unrealistic idea.

You see, when I was told we'd be starting a fantasy football league I concentrated too much on the "fantasy" part. I thought we were going to be meeting every weekend to play football with elves and unicorns.

Choosing teams would have required a lot more consideration than athletic ability.

"I'll taaaaaake... Pegasus."

"What?! You always get Pegasus!"

"Yeah, well, you know why? First of all Pegasus can fly just above your heads and kick you guys in the face with its hooves when you get too close. And second of all I won the coin toss, so man up and accept it, you little bitch."

"Fine. I'll take Cyclops."

"Cyclops? Are you sure?"

"What's wrong with Cyclops?"

"Oh nothing! He's a big guy. He's strong. He's a good pick. I mean, he doesn't have any depth perception so don't expect him to be able to throw or catch a ball, but you know it's your choice. He might not keep getting off-sides called on him again this week. It might be a better week for him."

One can only fantasize about real fantasy football.