It came to my attention the other day that the great debate over whether or not Bert and Ernie were to become the first recognized gay puppet couple came to an end.
Despite the myriad petitions and the increasing pressure on PBS, Bert and Ernie were not meant to be a gay couple.
And I said to myself, "Thank puppet God."
Now don't get me wrong. Any of you who know me well know that I am a major defender of gay rights. If a man wants to marry a man, give me a pen. I'll sign your petition and I'll march in your parade. People love who they love and that's that. Let everyone be happy and free.
Except puppets.
I am categorically opposed to gay puppet rights. "For what reason?" you ask. "Puppets deserve equal rights!" you say. Because it goes against what I was raised to believe in the puppet bible when I went to puppet Sunday School.
Our puppet priest pointed out a passage with his puppety fingers in Puppetians 4:28 which read, "One puppet shall not lay down with another puppet, for it is a sin." Then he closed the puppet bible and placed his hand on mine. "But it is not a sin for a human to lay with his puppet priest."
And even though it was about that time that my parents decided we should no longer attend puppet church, that passage resonated with me. So I apologize, puppets. But you shall never have my vote.
No comments:
Post a Comment