Out-Sorcerer

If you're not blaming the government for all of your problems, then you're not cool.

And apparently if you blame them enough, they give you money.

I liken the mentality in our country to that of a 30 year-old man still living with his enabling parents.

"Josh, honey, I'm sorry to bother you while you're watching Divorce Court. I know you've been very stressed out about the Broncos losing their last game, but did you happen to find a new job or an apartment today?"

"No."

"Okay, dear. Well, maybe next month. Do you need anything?"

"You to remove yourself from the television viewing area."

"Right away. Do you need to borrow any money for your Child Support payment?"

A lot of people in our country blame the government as if they expect them to be able to turn on a light switch and make all of our financial problems disappear. But we already have one of those switches. It's called the lottery.

In my opinion, the economy isn't getting better for two reasons. The first reason is that our economy is too interlocked with other world economies to simply improve independently. And the second reason is that nothing is made in America anymore. Jobs could easily be created in this country, but that means we need to stop buying cheap crap from China.

If everyone starting buying American-made products, the demand for local goods would rise and companies would need to hire to meet consumer demand. Now the only tricky part about that is that the company in question would have to also hire American workers rather than outsource their work to China like Apple. Those little "Made in America" tags and stickers typically clear up those mysteries.

There's only one problem with this. People don't want to stop buying Chinese products because they like the idea of people stripped of their human rights working 18 hours a day in an unventilated factory for 16 cents a day.

We think it's easier on the conscience when we buy a spatula but don't have to see how it's made. It doesn't take an accountant to figure out why it only cost $1.

What I'm getting at is that we don't need the government to kiss our knee every time we scrape it. Business responds to demand, and businesses run the world. At the heart of it all, it's up to us how business is done. We don't need ot take the power back. We've always had it.

Americash!

America... Land of the free... Home of the brave... Red-headed step-child of China? What?

In light of the recent economic problems... somewhere between the 450 point drop in the DOW and the 450 point increase... I started thinking about the 85 billion dollar bailout of AIG issued by our government. One might ask, "But Soda, isn't the government already in a 420 trillion dollar debt?" Of course they are. But that's alright. We'll just print more money. Then we'll dance in it and make ceremonial, amber-wavey love in it before we give it to insurance and banking giants.

So it goes without saying that the value of the American dollar is quickly becoming that of the Mexican peso at best. So what's next? Start selling bonds! Who wants a piece of America? It looks great on a mantle.

The Chinese are already sleeping outside of the Fort Knox box office waiting for the economic concert tickets to go on sale. Don't get me wrong... I love the Chinese. I love their food, I like their underaged olympians, and I admire their strong, albeit outdated and soooo last season, cling to communism. But you have to admit... it's a little unsettling to think that someday the majority of our country could be owned by another country.

I know what some of you are thinking: More economic stimulus checks! After all, they worked out really well... for me. I bought a new laptop and some stock in Lehman Brothers.

My proposition: Destroy credit.

God forbid we have to start saving our money for shit. See you guys in Food City.