i haven't seen new moon. i don't plan on it either. i saw twilight only because it was the only thing happening on a twelve hour flight.
but why aren't you going to see new moon? you ask.
it's an amazing piece of hollywood art. you say.
it's dangerous. that's why i'm not going to see it. i'm boycotting a cancer on our civilization.
poor acting, writing, production, special effects, and directing aside... movies like new moon are teching our children that befriending vampires and werewolves is okay. but you know what? it's not okay. here's a true story of something that happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
so one night a young man is walking down the street... let's call him edgar. edgar encounters a bat. his first instinct is to run in fear like every red blooded american should. but instead edgar thinks this is one of those cool hollywood vampire bats. so edgar tries to give it a high five. the bat narrowly avoids the high five which all bats see as a threat, grabs edgar by the face, and carries him away to it's castle up the mountains of scottsdale.
now i know what you're thinking. don't all vampires as well as all other evil creatures live in scottsdale? wasn't that just a redundant piece of information? and the answer is yes. i apologize for treating you like an idiot.
we haven't heard from edgar in six months. however, we've heard from his corpse. it was dropped on my friend's doorstep completely drained of blood with a note that read, "this was not the work of vampires. clearly you can see that this is a hate crime. please do not tell anyone this was the act of vampires. that would just be silly. please watch more movies that make vampires look less harmless than we, i mean they, really are."
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