Political Nominations: Worse than Grammy Nominations? I Didn't Think it was Possible Either.

Of all the people I'd like to see on an office ballot, none of their names ever appear.

Not that it would matter. Even if Trent Reznor ran for president with Carl Sagan as his running mate, Ghandi as his political advisor, Serj Tankian as his secretary of defense, and Cthulu as ambassador to North Korea, nothing would get accomplished.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we leave important decisions to the people who live here.

"Sure, a 'no' vote on this proposition violates basic human rights, but let's allow people who think that God hates Jews, homosexuals, and free music downloads to decide for us."

I'm not here to promote Communism or Anarchy. And although I've been offered a large sum of money by Coke Zero, a refreshingly satisfying alternative to Coke, I'm not here to promote them either. But trust me, our society would be better off if we left every political issue to a game of rock/ paper/ scissors.

All I'm suggesting is that people educate themselves before voting. Getting your education from coworkers, friends, and radio talk show hosts doesn't count. One of the greatest gifts you've been given is the ability to read. You don't need to be told what to think, as ironic as it may be that I'm telling you not to be told what to think. I think I just created a paradox... black hole... just opened on my screen... can't fight... gravitational pull... Coke Zero... very refreshing...

Republicans and Democrats: 2 Reasons to Move to Neptune

A UFO lands on the White House lawn. An alien steps out and takes a long, deep breath. He clears his throat and is about to blow the minds of every physicist in the world when a shushing finger is held up. "Excuse us just a moment," the House majority leader says. "We need to discuss our stance on your presence before you begin. If Americans want you in prison work camps, they need to know which party to vote for this November."

I left my first political party the moment I noticed the similarities to children choosing team mates on a football field. "Um, yeah... I'll take abortion. You get gay rights."

"Why do you get abortion? Everyone knows abortion is as good as two gay rights!"

"Fine. You get stem cell research."

"Stem cell research cheats! We don't want him on our team!"

"Look, stem cell research plays a pretty good d. Are we playing ball or not?"

Then there's the other problem. This morning I left yet another political party. This time I left because it was tainted by the Tea Party. Like everything else in my life, whenever I get into something it becomes overrun with idiots who have no idea what they're talking about.

White trash took skulls away from me.

Hollywood took Transformers away from me.

Christians took God away from me.

And now the Tea Party has taken Libertarianism away from me.

I guess the real problem is that we all feel like we need to belong to a group, but we'll never really fit in. We'll say we're vegetarians, but we'll occasionally eat a piece of bacon.

In the words of LaBron James: What should I do?

I'm going to fucking blog.

Sarah, Palin and Tall

Who the hell is this woman?

And why is she so popular?

She single handedly ruined John McCain's chances for president, wasted millions of dollars to build a bridge to nowhere in Alaska, encourages the far right to violently protest healcare overhaul, and very well could be the antichrist.

Actually, that last part makes sense. I would imagine that the antichrist would be hugely popular among conservative voters and kindergarteners.

I invite everyone, even my conservative readers, to really think for a moment. Is Sarah Palin really one of the best representatives this country can get? There are 300 million people in the U.S. and this absurd woman is considered to be one of the Republicans' best weapons against the Democrats? Sarah Palin is a good weapon for bringing about the end of days and low standards, that's about it.

Remember the days when we idolized teachers like Buddha, Jesus, and Ghandi? Wow... that takes me back...

The problem with the world is that we forgot what we've been taught about understanding and helping one another. We just hate and make fun of each other. Unfortunately, there are so many people that will believe anything they hear. We need to stop giving talk shows to these radicals that make people believe that bombing abortion clinics, beating homosexuals, and assassinating political figures is a step in the right direction for this country.

A good rule to live by is that if you haven't got all the facts, keep searching for the truth.