Yesterday, I watched a girl tear into a handicapped spot right in front of the building I was standing in front of. At first I was angry that she didn't cripple me in the process, thereby missing my opportunity at the American Dream of suing someone and never having to work another day in my life. Then I felt sorry for her, because clearly was handicapped. She probably had some kind of neurological impairment that made her drive like an asshole. Why else would she be in a handicapped spot? Any moment, I thought, she's going to place her handicapped tag up on her rear view mirror, lower her wheelchair out of her car by crane, and roll herself into the building.
With her engine still running, she tried to make several phone calls. I thought to myself, "Okay. Maybe her wheelchair crane is broken. She must be calling for someone to give her a piggyback ride inside. Clearly she drives like a retard and she can't figure out how to use a phone because she hasn't spoken into it yet. She's obviously handicapped. Otherwise, she would have parked in one of the many other parking spots around her that didn't have a giant blue stick-figure in a wheel chair spray painted on the ground."
Ten minutes pass, and finally another girl comes out of the building, gets in the car, and then they drive off together. At that moment I realized that while the girl driving the car will most likely develop a weight problem from being so lazy that she can't even park in a non-handicapped spot two places away and have to get herself a motorized scooter just to take her fat ass to the bathroom and eventually have to start parking in a handicapped spot someday, she was not at that moment handicapped yet.
I then thought about what a nice change it is to see people proactively preparing for their miserable futures.
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