Consequences of our Actions

I stood on a street corner, regretting my decision to wear all black in August. With my stop sign in one hand, I waited for my students to cross the road while I stared at the defining line between the concrete of the sidewalk and the asphalt of the street.

In that moment, that line represented freedom and slavery.

I looked back at the school, then I looked back to the tree lined streets of emancipation. What would the risk be versus the reward? No paycheck, no insurance, and eventually no house and no car. I would have to forage for my food, and I would have to move into the Canadian wilderness for shelter and fresh water. Ultimately, there is only one question left to ask myself. Which choice will kill me first?

I decided the answer was ‘work’.

So I tossed my stop sign and my teacher badge down to the ground, punched a guy driving by at that moment on a motorcycle, and took his bike home to grab a few necessities before leaving the work life forever. In a backpack I gathered a Swiss Army knife, a lighter, and some Batman comics. But when I got to the door to walk away forever I found I couldn’t turn the knob.

I was still standing on the corner with my stop sign.

At that moment that stop sign seemed so ominous and foreboding. There was absolutely no physical presence stopping me from walking away, yet I couldn’t move. I couldn’t figure out what was stopping me. Children stared at each other as I cursed my immobile legs. Maybe if I had a Segway I wouldn’t be having this problem.

I wondered how many other people dealt with this same dilemma every day. I wondered if there was a medical condition for it. I wondered if television or the internet had me brainwashed into thinking I was a small link in an eternal chain of social responsibility.

And in a horrible epiphany I realized I was responsible for holding myself back. I was contradicting my everyday advice to my friends and my students to chase their dreams and give in to their desires.

I always hated quotes, because there is a belief that if someone said it then it must be true. Woody Allen said, “Those who can’t do teach,” and I always hated that quote particularly. But I started to understand what he meant. I went to school for sixteen or more years, took a look at the world, lost my nerve, and went back to school because it was all I knew.

I’ve been standing on that corner for thirty years afraid to see what might happen if I walked across the street. I’ve been afraid of the risk. I’ve been afraid of the consequence. But the only consequence to living is life.