Cracktown

I recently became a virtual farmer in the farming community of Farmtown on the world wide internet. I should add that I became a farmer against my will. My wife hacked into my facebook account, created a farm in my name, and made me her neighbor so she could gain experience points.

We sit in our backyard and have conversation, but I’m periodically ignored as my wife, with a laptop on her legs, has to buy seeds and sell and harvest crops.

When we go out with our friends, discussion switches to the amount of work they have to do on their farms. I swallow the last of my beer, and hit myself in the head repeatedly with the still-chilled glass.

On the PS3 there is a world within a world. It’s just like this one, except it’s digitalized. You can dance, you can watch movies, and you can even play video games. But it isn’t a video game on your system. It’s the virtual you playing a virtual video game inside another video game.

I had many thoughts at first, such as: “Is there a virtual god in the virtual world?” and “What the f***?”

For a long time I was appalled at the huge number of people wasting their lives and ignoring magnificent things like sunsets, meteor showers, and nachos.

But now I feel happy. I’m happy for the people who’ve found happiness in something like Farmtown. They’re learning how to budget their money. They’re learning about business. They’re becoming environmentally aware. And what’s even more important is that people are becoming distracted so that I can proceed with my invasions of their homes and apartments. After all, who needs a set of Pampered Chef cookery when they have experience points?