Women in their forties who dress like they're in their twenties: I get it. You're aging. There's nothing you can do about it... except for plastic surgery, an affair with the latino towel boy at LA Fitness, and ridiculously young clothing. I'm not saying you've got to start wearing pastels and horn rimmed glasses. I'm just saying you would look better in something that didn't read "juicy" across your giant flabby ass.
Children on leashes: Tie your kids to ropes during their formative years and they develop chronic separation anxiety, paranoia, and agorophobia. Two words: Menendez brothers.
People who respond to "What kind of music do you listen to?" with "Everything": Nobody listens to everything. If you listen to country music and decide one day that you like Jay-Z's new single, you don't like everything. I got tired of arguing that point. Now I just burn Hall and Oates CDs for people who tell me that and say, "Thought you'd like these."
People who are "just that way": I meet new people everyday. Sometimes I like these people. Sometimes I hate these people. Occasioanally one of the people I don't like turns out to be a friend of a friend. "What do you think of John?" My friends ask. "John's a giant douche bag," I retort. "That's just the way he is. Give him a chance," My friends plea. What my friends don't realize is they just gave me all the information I need to know. I want to respond with, "Oh? So he's not just having a bad day? This is the way he actually is? Well thank God I didn't decide to become this person's friend. Otherwise I'd have a dickhead for a friend and have to come up with excuses for him in public like 'that's just the way he is'."
No comments:
Post a Comment