In Memory of "In Memory of" Stickers

People are stupid. We all know that. Or maybe some of us don't. In that case, you're part of the problem.

It's become an epidemic: "In Memory of ______" stickers on the backs of cars. And it makes me want to suffocate a kitten.

Do these people know that the item on which you write "In Memory of _____" becomes the dedicated object? Why wouldn't you donate a bench to a park in that person's name? Or donate some money in that person's name to build a school? I should hope that when I die someone doesn't commemorate my life on something that needs routine tire rotations and oil changes. The car represents the memory of that person? Every time the car is driven we're supposed to think about that person's life?

This sort of thing not only reminds me of the amount of ignorance in the world, but it also makes me think about how I want people to think of me after I leave this world. The following is a list of things I want in death:

1. An epitaph on my headstone that reads "Avenge Me!"
2. A donation made to zombie research
3. Ribbons made for "zombie research awareness"
4. A holiday in my honor on which people give gifts and don't go to work
5. A statue of myself in the village square with a historically inaccurate list of my achievements
6. Instead of a cross and flowers at the site of my death, I'd like a white flag of surrender