I’m driving down the road, which I like to do when I transport myself somewhere, and see a little dog with an ugly face in the lap of an old woman driving an Altima. Aside form the potential danger this woman is about to unleash on other drivers, I begin wondering why this woman and other women like her choose to bring their dogs with them on every mundane errand. Then I have my answer. Old women love little dogs because it satisfies their empty nest syndrome. Since their ungrateful kids don’t want to have anything to do with them, they want to have something that still needs and desires affection.
That’s an obvious one. The real question in my head was, “How long have older women been doing this?” I recently set out across Ethiopia to study ancient symbols and cave drawings, and I was shocked by my archaeological findings. I was asked if I’d like a guide or a translator to accompany me, but as we all know I’m an expert in ancient script.
As it turns out, women have not always kept small dogs after their family has moved out of the village. As a matter of fact, it had been tradition (all the way up until the 1950s) after the family has moved away for the mother to actually capture and cannibalize the children of a neighboring family. It was believed that she would absorb their souls and therefore always be “full of the love and fear of the innocent”. This is according to Sumerian text.
One more mystery of the world has been solved. You can all relax just a little bit more.
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